Michelle Roehl

Oh boy-where do I begin? I often catch myself reflecting on my days, months and even years! But when asked to sit down and really divulge into the past, my brain seems to start spinning like the tornado scene from The Wizard of Oz, “Auntie Em, Auntie Em!”. So here goes nothing as I present to you a reflection on myself as a teacher and a student and the whirlwind experience I have had learning online the past couple of years through Michigan State University. I will share with you personal experiences, several trials and tribulations, but overall I hope you hear a sense of pride in my reflection because that is where I stand today: a proud teacher with many accomplishments.

 

Back in my days of undergraduate learning at Michigan State, I remember going through my classes with a sense of urgency. I just wanted to do what I had to get done so that my free time would consist of friends, dinners and having fun! I never paid much attention to what I was learning or why! From the beginning I knew I wanted to be a teacher, and I knew the classes I took would bring me to that goal. But I never stopped and really paid attention to all the information that was coming my way, but more so went through the motions of being a student. It was a simple time when going to class was a burden and homework was a roadblock to my ‘real priorities’. And while I graduated with a great GPA and a great social life, I still never could have imagined how I would change as a learner until I became a teacher.

 

Teaching has changed me. When I first started the MAED program back in 2012, to be completely honest I was dreading it! I was hesitant and scared to start this new chapter of my life. But I know fear is a good emotion when starting something new and I knew that getting a Masters in education was the right choice for me! At that time of my life, I didn’t think it would be possible for me to teach full-time and have the energy to give any attention to homework and learning online. I give so much of my time and attention to my school and classroom and students that I didn’t know I had anything left of myself to give to my own education. I surprised myself, because as it turns out I do have it in me. I have learned how capable I am as a teacher and a student. I looked forward to learning new things in my classes and I was anxious to bring what I learned into my own classroom—a huge difference in myself as an undergrad student.

 

I think this new perspective on learning happened because I finally realized that I didn’t want to be a teacher for myself! I wanted to be a teacher for my students, and I wanted to be a darn good one at that! Something inside me changed because I finally noticed that all my assignments and readings and papers weren’t just roadblocks or burdens like I had thought before; they were tools and strategies to help me help my students. And from everything I learned, I realized this program and all the hours spent on homework and learning weren’t about me at all, never were. The hours I put in and studying and reading and papers and lessons were meant for my students, and it took this program for me to realize that.

 

I felt a strong collaboration with my teachers in the MAED program. For the first time in my education, it seemed as though we were working together for a result of making me a better teacher for my students. My instructors were attentive and supportive, they wanted what was best for me and they appreciated me as a learner, and most importantly respected me as an educator! My first course was CEP 800 with Professor Danah Henrickson, who I still believe to this day, is a saint! I look back now and stalked this poor lady, weekends and weeknights calling, emailing and Skyping her! She probably wanted to drop me from her course because of my annoying attempts for her attention, but she never hesitated to be there for me! She was a respectable educator, who like me, truly cared about her students; success and I could not appreciate that more from a teacher. I had anxiety during this course that I didn’t even know I could feel! I became a perfectionist during this course because I knew that I didn’t want to let myself down, my teacher or my students. It’s a lot of pressure! Learning new technological ways of teaching and finding time to get on the internet to teach myself new ways of teaching was overwhelming and complicated time for me. In this course I learned how to make a vodcast and how to use MSU Net Storage, heck I even made my first YouTube video. Things I didn’t even know I was capable of, Professor Hendrickson gave me the tools and guidance to believe in myself and I finished that course with a 4.0. I really believe that because of her support and guidance throughout the course and my collaboration with her made me feel more confident as I progressed through the program. It was in my very first Masters course that I learned something very important about myself, “I can do this!”

 

At from that point on, that was my mentality. Even on the darkest days, I still think back to that first course and I have to remind myself of my strength and capability. This affirmation came especially handy during TE 831- a jam-packed course all about new technologies and actively using the newly learned skills in my own classroom. This course was filled with new ideas, new websites, and new tech tools. The standards were high and the curriculum was rigorous and further more the due dates were on FRIDAYS! Imagine that! Haha! Erica Hamilton was my instructor in this course and boy she was an energetic and effective ball of knowledge! She was highly organized and efficient and extremely educated on current technology trends and how they are applicable in all classrooms. She pushed me to my limits when there were days I didn’t think I had an ounce of energy left in my bones, her motivation and strong sense of love for learning was truly an inspiration. During this course I singed up for more websites, had more conversations with strangers (aka my classmates) played with more tech tools and revised more lesson plans than I thought was humanly possible! But Professor Hamilton pushed me, she made the course with the highest standards in mind, and I wanted to exceed those standards because I knew it wasn’t about what I could or could not do, it was about what I could bring to my classroom to help my students.

 

TE 831 supplied and divulged into endless technological resources that could teach my students about hands-on learning and opportunities to be a 21st century learner. It wasn’t about where I wanted to know this stuff or if I could turn in an assignment on a Friday night, it was realizing that there is so much out there that I can learning to make me a better teacher and I didn’t even have to think twice about it! I wanted to absorb everything I learned in this class because I couldn’t imagine skimping my students on the endless opportunities it had to offer; it wasn’t about skimping myself! That was probably one of the most challenging courses I took in the program and again earned a 4.0 in the course. At that point, I learned if your heart is in the right place, anything is possible.

 

And that brings me to my last course of the program, ED 870. During my last semester I have done a lot of reflecting and a lot pleading with God to keep me sane until the end!! It was during my final capstone course that I actually took time to see my many accomplishments. As I worked myself to the bone over the past two years, I never once took time to sit back and realize with pride the many new things I learned, created and am capable of as a student and a teacher. All along, I have been going through the motions, knowing my role and my duty to my students, I have done my part in the program to keep good grades and take all I’ve learned in the program to my classroom. And all in all it seemed I was only living in the present. Whatever assignment or research or lesson I was working on during the program was exactly what I brought back to my students at that time. I got so wrapped up in all the responsibilities and the deadlines that I never sat down just to take it all in—until ED 870. It was during the countless hours creating this website, and the weekly tasks of preparing its’ completion that I got lost in the many things I have done during this program. I forgot all about hours I spent creating my podcast, interviewing children and editing sights and gaps in recordings. I forgot all about the YouTube video I made about how I taught 2nd Graders to count money. I forgot about all the weekends I spent doing homework, or trapped in a library, and how I would cringe every Monday morning when asked about what I did over the weekend because I was so depressed that my life was consumed by the program. I forgot all the trainings and professional development I have acquired over the years and I forgot how blessed I am to have such an amazing education until I revived my resume for this website. So many things I have forgotten over the past few years, but ED 870 has helped me remember and helped me reflect, and in this period of reflection, I have learned more then I could ever learn from any reading or presentation or assignment.

 

And so here it is…what have I learned? I have learned this is only the beginning! My journey doesn’t end here; I will never stop learning. TA DA! It is as simple as that. I have chosen a profession that keeps me on my toes, that forces me to dig deeper and keep best practices alive--a profession that requires me to stay relevant to my students and ensure a 21st century education. I have chosen a career which guarantees me a lifetime of continuing education, one that will constantly teach me more than I wonder if I can ever teach my students—a career that holds me accountable to always seek more than what I currently have, not for me, but my students. I have chosen to be a teacher, and I am more proud of that than anything I have ever done in my life. I have chosen this life and it is in this moment that I have learned that everything I have done or chosen to do was always to make me better---a better teacher for my students. I have many more students in my future and I will vow to always keep what is best for them in my heart. Because like I said before, it isn’t about me—never was and never will be. I am a teacher and proud of it.